The passing of a loved one can be a difficult thing to embrace when celebrating a special occasion. And for most, honouring a loved one who has passed in a celebration can be even more difficult. How do you honor someone without bringing down the mood of the celebration is a question This Planner is frequently asked.
Here are some ways in which you can honor a loved one (or many loved ones) who have passed that cherish their memory but won't damper the mood with tears.
LIGHTING A MEMORIAM CANDLE
For a wedding ceremony, have a framed photograph of your loved one next to an enclosed candle. The candle can either be lit prior to the ceremony or can be lit during the ceremony as a special inclusion. Following the ceremony the candle and photograph are moved to the reception where it will continue to burn. Not only will this honor the loved one, but it will feel as though they are there celebrating with you.
HONORING WITH FOOD
Did a passed loved one have a special recipe for an appetizer, entree or dessert? Providing that the caterers or venue will allow for it, why not have that recipe replicated in honor of that loved one? Was your Aunt's Southern Fried Chicken a hit at all the family gatherings? Why not have that same recipe replicated by your caterers and served as part of the meal or as a savoury addition to the late night table? Having your Grandmother's perogies as a food station? Why not label the station as "Nana's Perogies" and have a small framed photograph of her next to the label? Food has always been part of celebrations and by incorporating your loved one's special recipe into your celebration you're not just honoring them but celebrating them as well.
HONORING WITH BEVERAGES
Did your loved one have a specific drink that they had in hand at every family gathering? Was there a specific beverage with which they started or ended their day? Why not offer a "signature drink" at your function's bar which is the same drink your loved one preferred and name it after them? Perhaps "Uncle Leo's Spectacular Scotch" for example? Did your Nonno have a shot of whiskey in his coffee every day? Offer a "specialty coffee" as an option with dessert in addition to regular coffee or tea wherein the coffee has that same shot of whiskey as Nonno and name it "Nonno's Special Caffeine Fix".
GIVEAWAYS
In lieu of the typical giveaway at a celebration, incorporate a giveaway that will offer a lasting memory of a loved one. Give a donation in each guests name to a charity or organization that reflects on your loved one. Was your loved one a fan of basketball? Give each guests a silver basketball key chain so that they will always have a memory of your loved one with them. Did your loved one have a favourite flower? Give away a crystal frame with that flower pressed inside the glass.
OSCAR-STYLE "IN MEMORIAM" SHOW
We've all watched the "In Memory" portion of the Oscars wherein a dedicated video montage is shown to honor those actors that have passed that year. It's a moving tribute without bringing down the mood. Loved ones can be honored in a celebration the same way. Whether it's by video or photographs, have a slide show or montage of loved ones who have passed. The key to making this celebratory and not depressing is to choose images that will make your family laugh or smile rather than make them sad. Choose photos from funny moments in their life or a video of them doing something funny rather than just a standard image.
ATTIRE & SPECIAL ACCENTS
Whether it's wearing your mother's wedding gown, your father's favourite tie or a piece of jewelry that was once coveted by a loved one, incorporating something that belonged to your loved one in your attire will have them present at all times. Attire aside, incorporating a piece of jewelry or a small item that once belonged to your loved one in your wedding bouquet or boutonniere or corsage will make them ever-present in your celebration.
DEDICATED SONGS
Having a loved one's favourite song played during dinner is another way to honor them without dwelling on the sadness. This song would be played unannounced by the DJ or band, but those who knew and loved the honoree will recognize it immediately. If the song is an upbeat one that can be danced to, have it played during the dancing portion of your evening. Having fun and remembering the good times with that loved one is one of the best ways in which to honor them.
When a dearly loved one is missing from a milestone celebration it can be incredibly difficult but by choosing to honor them in a way that will bring about happy memories rather than sad, you are not only keeping them ever present in their heart but you'll have their spirit celebrating right along with you.
*In loving memory of Alfred Lugli and Gino Vecile*
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