ET LØFTE EVENTS

MEET A PLANNER WHO BREAKS ALL THE "RULES"

© Melissa Nowakowski 2008

If there's one thing I've noticed over the last few years, it's that so many couples believe that their wedding has to fall into some sort of mold -- as though doing anything outside the norm might call out the wedding police. And so, with that belief, many couples focus the "unique" or "different" onto their centerpieces, their florals, their decor, etc. and leave the rest of the wedding to tradition.

And that's all it really is, tradition I mean. When it comes to weddings there are very few "rules" and those rules apply in the following three areas:

Etiquette - this exists for a reason: respect for your guests, your family and yourselves. So anything deemed etiquette correct should be followed. Whether it is the wording on your invites, handwriting your thank-you cards and personalizing each and every one of them, being on time for your wedding, etc., practicing etiquette is one area where the rules definitely apply.

Culture - while with many cultures certain traditions can be skipped over or you can be very selective in which traditions you incorporate into your wedding, some cultures and their cultural traditions are mandatory. If your culture plays an important role in your everyday life, then so should it in your wedding. If you're hesitant to incorporate all of its traditions, speak with your family about which traditions are most important.

Religion - let's face it, there is no mucking around with religion. Each religion has its own set of rules and if you hope to have that religion be a part of your wedding day then the rules must be followed.

Other than the three areas mentioned above, every other aspect of your wedding is fair game. There is no rule that states that your timeline has to be ceremony, cocktail hour/photos, dinner, speeches, special dances, party. There's no rule that states that your first dance has to be slow or romantic. There's no rule that your speeches have to happen one after the other following dessert. There's no rule that your favours have to be symbolic. There's no rule that says your venue has to be a banquet hall. The misconceptions pertaining to "rules" are quite lengthy.

Feel free to bend, break and play with the apparent "rules" when you're planning your wedding.

And this is what I do. Call me a rebel, call me off-the-wall, call me crazy even, but I strongly believe that weddings should be a reflection of your individuality and your personal style. And if that means you have to bend some of the apparent "rules" to do it, so be it.

Focusing the uniqueness onto tangible details -- while it successfully creates that 'wow' element -- can be quite costly. I adore mapping out florals, centerpieces and decor in unique designs. But for those clients whose budget doesn't match the design I often opt to focus the uniqueness in other areas. My clients' guests still leave the wedding saying "that wedding was so different" but the budget hasn't grown to ghastly proportions.

There are a number of areas in which you can play around with ideas -- here are just a few:

Your venue - keep your eye open for unique venues such as restaurants, clubs, historical venues, loft spaces, etc.

Your timeline - split up speeches between courses or have them happen during the cocktail hour, have your first dance as soon as you are introduced into the hall, if your not superstitious have your photos take place prior to the ceremony, have your ceremony and cocktail hour as one, etc. Anything goes with the timeline.

Your Dances - arrange these at different times in your reception, choose a dance or song that specifically reflects you as a couple whether it's disco, salsa, hip hop, etc. The same can be said for your father/daughter dances or your mother/son dances. This is your dance, so why cater to the norm?

Your garter/bouquet toss - it doesn't have to be a toss. Why not choose a game for your guests to participate in to get the bouquet such as an elimination dance?

Your favours, guestbook, moneybox, etc - they don't have to be a standard item. The "guestbook" can be virtually anything for your guests to sign whether it's a photo, a book, cards or even a piece of fabric. The moneybox doesn't have to be a fancy ordeal, anything that will actually hold cards will do whether it's a basket with lid, hat box, birdcage, vase, etc. By playing with ideas for these smaller details you can make your wedding quite unique and not go overboard in budget.

Your attire - there's no rule that the bride MUST wear white or MUST wear a dress even. That is a trend that Queen Victoria started. Your bridesmaids don't all have to match, your groomsmen don't have to be in tuxedos, and your flowergirl and ringbearer don't have to wear an over-the-top outfit that they won't fit into in two months.

Your photo location - this doesn't have to happen in a park or a floral setting. Classic streets, amusement parks, museums, etc. can provide a perfect and innovative backdrop.

These are just a few areas. There are so many ways to make your wedding unique and so many "rules" that can be broken to make that happen. This is not to say that I don't encourage having innovative centerpieces or very different florals for your wedding party, etc. That's always a lot of fun and a memorable look to your wedding. But again, there are other areas as well in which you can play.

As a planner, when a client comes to me and tells me that they want a unique wedding, I smile, my heart flutters and I tell them this "This is your wedding -- they sky's the limit -- now let's play"